The Chocolate Test

photo courtesy of ajays shadow

If chocolate consumption were to stress levels what Richter scales are to earthquakes, women everywhere would have a better gauge of the magnitude of events in their lives.  It might look something like this:

0.5 bar of chocolate or less = usually not felt, the stress is a passing one.  You have a work deadline that’s looming, but you’ll get to it.  Tomorrow.

0.5 to 1.0 bar of chocolate = often felt, but causes only minor damage.  What did your husband mean when he said that ‘dinner is never on time?’

1.0 to 2.3 bars of chocolate = slight damage to buildings and other structures.  All of the above + the phone keeps ringing and you want to hurl it against the wall because who’s ever on the other line refuses to get the hint that you’re busy and he/she should really get their own life to stress about! (Note to self: unplug the phone.)

2.4  to 4.1 bars of chocolate = may cause much damage to heavily populated areas.  You can’t shake the feeling that you’re drowning in all your commitments.

4.2 to 6.0 bars of chocolate = major earthquake, serious damage.  You’ve just lost a loved one or been diagnosed with a terrible ailment - or at least felt like it.

6.1 bars of chocolate or greater = great earthquake, can completely destroy anyone at its centre.  You’ve given up. Completely.

Where do you fit in right now?

What about late last week?

Of course, you may not even like chocolate (really???) but I’m sure that you can find some other not so good for you food, bad habit, or negative thought process to replace it.  Sadly, many of us can.  As women, we’re constantly being pulled in so many directions.  There might be a job, business, or study type of pull.  There could be a husband, family, and children type of pull.  And then there are the obligations we have as Muslimahs to constantly strive towards our ultimate vision of Jannah.  In a typical day, we do so much and are so much to so many, that mindlessly downing a bar (or six) of chocolate may seem like it’s well deserved, but it’s the mindlessness of it that hides the truth:  The stress is eating us alive.

When so many things are competing for our attention, we feel overwhelmed and find ourselves unable to focus on the things we need to do, not only because they need to get done, but also because unless we can avoid the dreaded “earthquake by chocolate” syndrome, we risk never getting anything done.

Maintaining your focus when the tremors hit is crucial.  Your sanity will thank you, your family will thank you, your hips will thank you.  In working with women around the world, perhaps the number one question I get is:  Heba, how do you do it?  By it, they mean to ask, how is it possible to pursue your dreams, have fulfillment in your life, and weather the storms, without feeling like you’re one bar of chocolate away from complete ruin?

And today, it’s my pleasure to share with you how it is done.  And please count them in 3, yes, I said 3, easy steps.

*****

Step #1 – Clarify your ultimate vision.

It’s amazing how when you know where you’re going, you get there without veering off the path.  Consider the simple analogy of driving from point A to point B.  If you know where you start and where you want to end up, the likelihood of reaching greatly improves.  But, if you don’t know, what would happen?  You’d end up driving in circles, seeing the same scenery over and over again, and feeling pretty stressed.  Ditto for your life.  Know your destination.  Know where you want to go.  Know what you want to achieve.  Knowledge is clarity.  Clarity is power.  And power is freedom from (amongst other things) stress.
To start the definition process, I suggest reflecting on how you would answer these 2 crucial questions:

Who do I want to be?
What do I want my life to stand for?

Once you have the answers to these, it’s a matter of truly envisioning this ultimate vision.  You need to utilize whatever works to remind you of your goals and have you move towards them, on a constant basis.  Perhaps a vision board in your workplace, kitchen, or car will keep you focused.  Perhaps it will be a nightly appointment with your journal.  The idea is to always concentrate on what’s important, and eliminate distractions.

Step #2 – Rally your team players!

You’ve likely heard Islamic speakers start their talks with the dua of Musa (AS), as quoted in the Quran: ”O my Lord! Open for me my chest, and ease my task for me.  And loosen the knot from my tongue, that they may understand my speech, “ and he, AS, takes it further by asking Allah SWT to, “appoint for me a helper from my family, Haroun, my brother, so that my strength can be increased with him, and let him share my task.” (20: 25-32)

Musa (AS) knew that having support on your way to achieving your destiny is the way to go.

Who do you have?

Count no one out, even those that may not seem very supportive, but are important in your life.  If you’re a mom you can delegate household responsibilities to family members.  Even a four year old can learn to complete tasks that will make your life easier.  A husband, relative, friend, or automated bill payments – whatever relieves your stress, use it.  And when everyone on your team has their game on, it’s easier to find the energy and the time to give back to them as well.  This is a great strategy, because at the very least, you’ll be able to share those bars of chocolate -and wouldn’t that shatter the magnitude of the stress?
Constantly ask yourself:  how can my team members help me achieve my vision?

Step #3 – Must Do and Must Not Do; the lists that will make or break you

Tasks on your “to do” lists will forever be chores and cause us stress, unless we can learn to cherish them because they will bring us closer to our visions.  And, so, I would recommend making two lists.

The first list would include things you have to do because they give you fulfillment and bring you closer to your goals.  Or it can include the things you have to do so that people you care about don’t die of starvation.

The second list should have the non-essentials that you’ve been stressing over, you know the zap your energy – waste your time – and cause you to drive in circles – achieving nothing – type of things.  T.V. watching, Internet surfing, keeping live plants, or not letting the answering machine pick up, are items that you might include on your ‘must not do’ list.

Okay, those ones are mine.  Yours might be different, but one that must be included on all our ’must not do’ list is:  obsess about stress.

*****
Eliminating negative thoughts and practices is an ongoing act, but the more practice you get and the more conscious manner in which you get it, the more fluid it becomes.  But I did say 3 easy steps, right?  I don’t want to give you anything more to stress about, so I’ll stop now and let you get to it.  Besides, there is a chocolate bar with my name on it.  But I’ll only have 0.5 of it because I just met my deadline.  Tomorrow is here.