Woe is Me and You and You and You…On Learning Gratitude

If the cliche that reads ‘misery loves company,’ was a page in the encyclopedia, you might see a picture of Warda (all names have been changed to protect the privacy of others and I promise you, I can’t even remember her real name – but that is not to say that she isn’t a real person, because she is – okay let’s get on with it).

If you fell ill, Warda was there.  She would skip classes to comb the hair of a Muslim sister sick in hospital, even if she didn’t know her previously.  If you were suffering relationship woes, Warda would listen to your sob story in the wee hours of the night with empathy and absolutely no hint of “it’s getting late, and I should really get some sleep here.”  If someone in the community was in in dire need of financial aid, Warda would take out a loan and stop eating so that she could donate her money to them. 

You’re probably thinking, “MashAllah!  This Warda sounds like gold in a world of dirt.”  But, alas, there is a but.  You see, Warda, had one tragic flaw.  She was only there, in her element, when people were living in misery.  Once joy or even contentment resurfaced in their lives, Warda would be gone faster than a picky eater toddler (who’s supposed to be eating her vegetables) when her mother is preoccupied with meeting a writing deadline.  Now, take that same toddler and offer her rainbow colored candy.  Can you see her running from it?  I know for a fact that she wouldn’t.  Warda, on the other hand, would “happily” be eating those horrible vegetables, and flee from the sweetness of the candy.

She simply was not interested in sharing people’s ups.  Her dear friend’s wedding?  Forget about it – what dear friend?  A baby shower?  She had to shampoo her hair.  A Eid party?  Sadly, even those didn’t meet Warda’s ‘time to celebrate’ criteria.  Like I said, she was the poster girl for “misery loves company.”  

An extreme example, yes, but for the purposes of this article, I have to say, Warda was definately on to something. 

What she was on to was actually a key component of making your life a happy one, filled with contentment.  It is a contentment that stems from being grateful for what you have. 

Have I just lost you totally?  It’s okay, you’ll be able to read this over again. 

There are two ways I know of (and social scientists have confirmed it) to realize that you are a very blessed person, and let that realization bring much thankfulness into your life.  And where there is thankfulness to Allah SWT, there is contentment.  And where there is contentment, there is joy and happiness.  Alhamdullilah!

Way #1 – Looking to Those Who are Lower Than You

Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger (SAW) as saying: Look at those who stand at a lower level than you but don’t look at those who stand at a higher level than you, for this would make the favours (conferred upon you by Allah) insignificant (in your eyes).  (Muslim)

When we always look at those who seem better off than us, we lose sight of the goodness that we should be grateful in our own lives.  So and so A is prettier, richer, smarter, (insert whatever here)…if it really bothers you, just stop looking at her.  Look to so and so B instead.  So and so B has 7 fingers on one hand, an obvious dislike for vegetables, and she just borrowed money from her mother in law.  Now, you feel pretty grateful for your good fortune.  Alhamdullilah, you think, I’ve been so blessed. 

And by Allah, you have.

Way #2 – The Modified Warda Method (but please proceed with caution)

The great thing about other people’s misery is that it too makes us feel grateful for our own lives.  But by no means should we ever bask in it, or feel discontent when our friends experience joy.  I’m thinking more along the lines of famous people who others look up to.  Consider someone like Britney Spears. 

Why is is that when her life becomes a complete and utter mess, do people snatch up the gossip magazines to read about all the details?  It’s not that they are happy to see her suffer (or maybe they are), but her problems make others realize that beauty, talent, wealth, and all that is valued by society, doesn’t buy people happiness.  It makes the common guy or gal feel like even though they might not have much going on for them and their lives are complete disasters, that they do have it better that she, who, seemingly, had it all.

My friend Warda, may Allah preserve her wherever she may be, had the right idea.  She just didn’t allow herself to get to the purpose behind the method.  And I tell you, if she had, she would have been so happy, knowing that she could find peace in her life, and still be there for her community in times of joy as well. 

But you get it, and aren’t you just so grateful?