A Night to Remember: What Khadijah (RA) Means to Me

Photo Courtesy of Muslim Photographer

“When I’m forty, I’m going to marry a twenty-five year old,” my friend Fatima confided in me. I remember the night she said it so clearly. It was one of the final ten nights of Ramadhan, the probability that it could be the night of power, strong. Most of the Muslims in our small city were camping out in the Masjid, praying, eating, and socialising in the short hours between the conclusion of Qiyam al layl and the Fajr prayer. Fatima and I decided to go outside and talk under the stars. And they were bright that night.  I turned to look at her, straining under the moonlight to read her expression. The seriousness in her voice coupled with the ridiculousness of her statement had me very curious. 
“You’re fourteen! What in Allah’s name are you talking about?” was my question. This wasn’t the first time we’d discussed marriage and we’d both decided that we would be married by eighteen to fabulous (and older) men. Maybe even brothers – so that our best friend status would be cemented by a pseudo-sisterhood. Could she be backing out on our pact? 

“It’s just that the Shaykh was talking about Khadijah (RA), the wife of the Prophet (SAW). She was so amazing, Heba. I want to be like her.” 

*****
And as the years have gone by, and as I’ve studied more about incredible Muslim women and the example they’ve left for us, I see how, indeed, Khadijah (RA) was amazing.  

From the time she is introduced to us in the study of the seerah of our Prophet (S), Khadijah bint Khuwaylid (RA) distinguishes herself as a shining star. She was smart, beautiful, successful, strong, loving, compassionate, and generous. And she was all of this before she met Muhammad (S).  
She was a supportive wife, a tender mother, an acute business woman, a loyal friend, a noble humanitarian. And she was brave. She saw qualities that she admired in the Prophet Muhammad (S), and proposed marriage to him. The obstacles were plenty; she’d been married and divorced before, he was younger than her, and her employee. Still, their marriage was a blessed one.  
She would stand by him when everyone thought he was going crazy. Khadijah’s support manifested itself on so many levels, not the least of which was a strong spiritual connection between the two. When she was alive, the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) knew the arms of no other woman.  
 
Once, long after Khadijah (RA)’s death, Aisha (RA) got jealous of the Prophet’s constant praise of his first wife and the reverence he held for her friends. Aisha (RA) made a disparaging remark and the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said: “I have not yet found a better wife than her. She had faith in me when everyone, even members of my own family and tribe did not. She accepted me as the messenger of Allah, and was the first to become a Muslim. She spent all her wealth and worldly goods to help me spread this faith, and this too at a time when the entire world seemed to have turned against me and persecuted me. And it is through her that Allah blessed me with children.” 

Once, when Khadijah (RA) was still alive, the angel Jibreel came to the Prophet (SAW), and said, “O Messenger of Allah, Khadijah is just coming with a bowl of food (or drink) for you. When she reaches you, give her greetings of peace from her Lord and from me, and give her the good news of a palace of jewels in Paradise, where there will be neither any noise nor any toil” (Bukhari). 
She suffered losses, including the lives of two young sons, and still her faith wasn’t shaken. In fact, the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) once drew four lines in the sand and asked his companions if they knew what they stood for. When they replied, “Allah and His messenger know best,” the Prophet SAW explained they represented the four foremost women of the world. The first amongst them was noble Khadijah (RA), our mother and role model.  
She was formidable in all her roles, and the Muslim woman who seeks to be formidable would do well to look to Khadijah (RA) for the inspiration. How can we, the daughters of Khadijah, emulate her characteristics, those of our noble mother? 

My friend Fatima had the right idea. 

*****

“Okay, I get what you’re saying Fatima. But seriously, waiting until you’re forty to get married? Maybe the twenty-five year old can be your second husband?” 

She laughed at my suggestion. 

“You know, it’s a good time to make dua to Allah,” she urged, “It might be Laylat Al Qadr, a night better than one thousand months. Wow! Can you imagine?”  

I’ve written about my friend Fatima before. She didn’t get many months after that night. She never did get married. In fact, she didn’t live to witness another Ramadhan.
But she grew in my heart; her life a lesson to make the most of every moment. Her random thoughts, not so random. 

Fatima wanted to be like Khadijah (RA), and as I go on in life, it seems to me that there is no better way to go.