I hate washing dishes – but I have to do it because disposable plates would be horrible for the environment, not to mention my pocketbook. And I don’t have a dishwasher. Or a maid. Or even someone who will help without a) breaking something or b) making a bigger mess than I care to deal with.
And so, I wash the dishes and wash more dishes and yikes – does it ever end?
Honestly, though I have learned over much trial and error that I can deal with it, and (oh the horror) actually not mind it so much. So, I was thinking about it the other day – how is it that things that we hate to do become things that we can tolerate and do with a bit (yes, a tiny bit) of a smile?
Exam studying, gym workouts, diaper changes, taxes…
Here are some secrets to learning to tolerate and do, do, do:
1) Chunk Down the Time
With the dishes, I don’t stand there all day washing one dish at a time or as they get dirty. I let the dishes gather all day long, and then at the end of the day, I take the time and do them all. I believe it saves me time and minimizes the hardship of spending too much time worrying about when I’ll do them. I know when the dishwashing will happen- and that frees me from the guilt I see everytime I pass the kitchen sink. I say “I’ll get to you later” and move on to other things – until after the last plate has been eaten in and the last glass has been sipped from. And after the dishes are all done, and the sink sparkles, I’ll put up the “kitchen closed” sign until the next day.
The same principle can be applied to any task that weighs heavily on your shoulders. Set the time when you know you’ll have to work on it and get it done – and then put up the ‘closed’ sign. But maybe that won’t work for diaper changes 
2) Intention is Queen of the Jungle
As I stand there about to roll up my sleeves and get down to the business of washing those dishes I wonder, “why, oh why?” And then I think that by washing the dishes I’m making sure that my family will eat from something clean and that my husband will appreciate that sparkling sink in the morning (maybe enough to start a pot of coffee for me before he leaves ). I’m saving the environment – saving the planet of disposable plates. I think of all the ‘ajr, or reward I’m inshAllah going to get from Allah SWT because of all these good intentions. And since being a good mother, wife, and planet saver are all part of the roles I want to play with my time on this earth – it all goes back to my personal goals, and I am able to connect the washing of the dishes to them. That is a powerful motivator to get things done.
). I’m saving the environment – saving the planet of disposable plates. I think of all the ‘ajr, or reward I’m inshAllah going to get from Allah SWT because of all these good intentions. And since being a good mother, wife, and planet saver are all part of the roles I want to play with my time on this earth – it all goes back to my personal goals, and I am able to connect the washing of the dishes to them. That is a powerful motivator to get things done.In fact, the more we are able to connect the tasks in our lives to our purpose and greater goals, the more we are able to nurture and complete them with ease.
An exam well done becomes a pathway to a degree that will help humanity and be pleasing to your Creator. A gym workout becomes a way to continually harness your energy into doing the things that will bring you fulfillment. And a diaper change, well…saves everyone in the surrounding vicinity from much suffering. Look at you…the benevolent queen of Sheba!
3) Make it Enjoyable
I’ve found this really sweet smelling “aromatherapy” dishwashing liquid. It’s a lovely color and as soon as I open the bottle, it sets the mood for a happy ‘dishwashing’ session. Did I say “happy”? Okay, maybe that’s a strong word. But, I do notice a difference from when I buy a generic, nasty “lemon” scented, doesn’t-really-cut-the-grease or even produce-enough-suds-to-make-a-difference type dishwashing liquid.
So, what can you do to enjoy the tasks you dislike? Some time in the sauna after your gym workout? A piece of fine chocolate as you finish the last bit of studying? A scented candle as you change the diaper? That’ll work
Now, tell me: what did I miss? What are your strategies for making insufferable tasks more sufferable, and softer on your hands so that you’ll get more done?
As-salaamu ‘alaikum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh,
Ahhh, dishes… I have a love/ hate relationship with them
My method of making it enjoyable is to surround the task with things that make me laugh, smile, or think – like dancing around to crazy anasheed with my brother while he clears the table (before I have to wash them!), or driving my mum nuts/ crack her up by performing my own stand-up comedy routine, or on nights when the kitchen is eerily empty after dinner and I’m all by myself, I listen to Qur’an or a lecture by one of my favourite speakers… and then voila! I’m so focused on listening that I surprise myself when I’m finally done with the dishes!
oh man, I don’t think I could ever leave the dishes until the end, looking at the mess makes me stress..haha…BUT, something that has helped me, is that I rarely listen to my mp3 player unless I’m on my way to school and such, so when washing the dishes, or cleaning, I tell myself I get to listen to those Quran recitations and nasheeds I’ve been wanting to. Looking forward to that, makes me forget I even am washing the dishes along with it!
Now with studying…that’s a whole other issue…:D
Assalaamu’alaikoum wr wb
JazakAllah khair for the reminder, we all know the hadeeth about our intentions…however, its ever so easy especially with our daily tasks or chores should i say to remember the real reason for it or how it has its ultimate purpose…like the dishes. It got me thinking about vacuuming, washing clothes etc…and how with cleaning the floor, that would ensure we have a clean surface upon which to pray to our Lord and likewise with clothes, clean clothes to pray in, and also to fulfil our duty to keeping clean and inshAllah increasing our Iman…would be good to have a list or something next to everything e.g. a label on the vacuum etc to remind of the rewards…hmmm…idea…
As-Salaamu alaikum wa-Rahmatulahi waBarakatuh
That’s exactly what I do anonymouse, I mean the listening to Quran or a lecture while doing the dishes, hoovering, laundery etc, it actually makes you forget the chore itself and you learn something at the same time! Alhamdulilah! And of course renewing our intentions, I’m sure we all realise that as soon as we purify our intentions, the chore just doesn’t seem hated anymore, subhanAllah as we know that the action is pleasing to Allah aza wa Jal!
One thing that I find definitely helps me is from the hadeeth of the Prophet SallaAllahu Alayhi wa Salam, in which Ali Ibn Abi Talib reported that when the Prophet’s daughter, Fatima came to him and asked him for a servant, he said to her and Ali: “Shall I not teach you something that will be better for you than a servant? When you go to bed, say ‘SubhanAllah’ thirty-three times, ‘Al-hamdulillah’ thirty-three times, and’Allahu Akbar’ thirty-four times. This is better for you than a servant.” [Saheeh al-Bukharee and Saheeh Muslim]
Some of the scholars have explained this hadeeth by noting that the one who regularly remembers Allaah will be given strength that is greater than the strength used by a servant, or things will become easy for him and he will no longer need a servant.
SubhanAllah!
Was-Salaamu Alaikum waRahmatulahi waBarkatuh
As-salaamu ‘alaykum Heba,a couple of strategies on my end.
First, take my time. By not rushing through but approaching the chore in a graceful state, I feel more…woman, more at home, more connected. More in the moment, living the experience. I can step back from monkey mind by attending life.
Second, I think about whether I’d prefer to be at work like my husband or in the angst of youth like my children and find that the best time is now – chores and all!
Third, a candle does work! Remember when Oprah’s show opened with that song ‘Run On’ with cuts of her connecting with the audience – when she started that spirituality kick? Well, it never failed that by the end of the show, a clip of somebody doing some ‘chore’ by a lighted candle would be shown. One day, there was a woman doing dishes by with a scented candle burning on the kitchen window sill. I thought, ‘how cheesy is that! come ooooooon!’…until I tried it, lol. It goes back to that meditative mind thing and being in the moment. There’s no place I’d rather be but at peace in my own home. Click your heels three times now
Last, audio. Lately, I’ve found Sh. Jamal Zarabozo’s tafsir of ‘Al-Fatihah’ collection to do the job nicely. Sometimes,the chirping birds aren’t enough; I need human chatter. Beneficial chatter. Some use Qur’an recitation the same way but I think lectures are better in this instance.
Heba. This is an understatement:
I love you
Thank you for writing the best article on the best day.
Everything you just said is so relevant to my life and the conclusions I have been coming to on my own as the days go by…
Said it before
I’ll say it again
Thank you.
Sister heba, i could relate to this post because i don’t have a dishwasher right now either and sometimes no one to help as well and i find that i can do it.
I just have to be determined. but two things help me:
1) putting up a lecture
or a friend. and then yeh yu get surprised sort of when you realize wow that went by fast.
2) talking to my sister or phone on the phone
3) sometimes if you say to yourself: ok i’ll do such and such for just 15 minutes. then u realize its only 15 minutes out of your whole day. makes the effort seem kind of small in your mind so you feel like ok i stil got time to do other things.
I live overseas now and alhamdulillah sometimes i hire help but u know subhanallah, as much as i know the work here in egypt where i live is more what with all the dust and stuff, interstingly enough, even with a young baby at home, the day that i can totaly schdule myself REALLY well, and cook and clean and everything MYSELF, i FEEL so much more productive and fulfilled rather than when i have the cleaning/cooking lady do it all.
Great suggestions, mashaAllah, but I can’t say I’m surprised – I heard some major queens of Sheba check in here;) I know your suggestion will be helpful – and it’s great to apply these strategies to all our “sufferable” tasks.
Bayan, I love you right back, sister
Naureen, your second point made me remember that a few years back I had a friend who had a cordless phone and she’d be talking to me and talking and I know she was doing her work – but I was sitting by the phone, just talking back. And then I’d say to her (politely trying to finish) “sister, I probably took too much of your time,” and she’d be like, “not at all – I’m done everything!” So, then I would say, “well, then you took too much of my time!” LOL, cordless phones are definitely the way to go if you wanna keep up the productivity!
Now in Egypt good hired help is not easy to find because of all the economical bad times it has made everyone be more hardworking and it is ggood to remember that life tests are to show us to be patient then Allah will give us rewards.
Thank you sister Heba.
Assalam alaikum wa rehmath ALLAHi wa barakatha hu,
Subhanaallah,wheni came here from india i was amazed at the fact that ur daily works are made so easy here.
Alhumdhulillah i am greatfull to ALLAH for blessing me with these facilities,i enjoy cooking washing vessels while listening to qura’n.it makes me feel relaxed and at the same time u get to memorize qura’n.
Sometimes i do it while practicing Makhraj.;)
I have to work on this thing i heard from Muhammad Al-Shareef’s cd “How to be a best muslim wife” brother was mentioning about halal magic,that is “halal sihr”
Halal magic is when husband comes home:
Facing smiling and well dressed wife and kids.
Clean home
Smell of delicious food.
I like it so much subhanaallah.
May ALLAH bless u with success in htis life and hereafter sister Heba.
Jazakaallah khairan
Wassalam
I don’t know if it’s a Southeast Asian thing, but even if I had a dishwasher, I’d probably wash them myself. Even before I was married when I lived with my mother, we never used the dishwasher. It was more like a dish rack for us. The only time we’d actually use it was to clean it out, so cleaning dishes in the dishwasher was more like a holiday for us.
But I do tend to let the dishes stack up myself. But instead of doing it at the end of the day, I tend to let them sit there until there aren’t any dishes left to use, or when I need to use the sink again. And the only way to do that is to clear the sink out and wash the dishes!
Assalam alaikum wa rehmath Allahi wa barakatha hu,
I use dishwasher only after some party or when i am not feeling well.otherwise we r just 3 of us and not much dishes has to be washed everyday.:)
It is halal majic, Firdouse – and when members of the house are happy, that positive energy just moves everyone. I’m trying to picture Anonymouse’s standup comedy routine and dancing around with her brother
Umm Salma, it could very well be a Southeast Asian thing. I’m currently reading the book called Outliers. Subhan Allah, the role that our cultures play on our actions – we all have these cultural legacies and it’s fascinating! And if you come from one where hard work is valued – then that can be a really great advantage. And of course, as Muslims, this is engrained in us in the Quran and the stories of the prophets (peace be upon them) and companions.
Beautiful article mashAllah as are all of your others. I’ve read them all but this is my first comment
I have to say that this is definitly a good reminder to renew my intentions and make my studying more than just studying.
I find that keeping the end in mind also helps me finish those things that I hate to do. For example when I’m studying, I drift off and think about how great it will be to be finished my exams lol and that motivates me to keep going.
assalamualaikum
LOL as always, i LOVE your style, Heba. mashaallah!
For me, I do the dishes when it comes bec seeing my kitchen clear makes me feel a sense of accomplishment and it gives me more drive to accomplish more throughout the day. Plus, my husband usually does the dishes, so I try to clear the sink before he comes home so he won’t do as much
You can’t stop him. There are only very few times where he will leave the dishes unwashed and that’s only when he’s really exhausted. Alhamdulillah 
As I do dishes, I make istighfaar(this takes some consciousness though, I don’t remember to do this everytime though). But it’s an analogical connection: scrub that grime away, imagine cleasing your heart from those black dots. I actually was struck by this when I was painstakingly scrubbing my oven in the process of moving
PPP
then again, i’m the type of person for whom cleaning is a form of therapy, so the above (doing dishes when I see them) works for me. In high school, I went to boarding school. During prep time, when my classmates were doing their homework, I would get up and pick up the broom and dustpan and sweep away when I get all stressed out. And trust me, in boarding school, there were a lot of things to stress about LOL
hugs
Queen Heba, Jazaki Allahu Khayran for the handy dandy tips here.
I read this last week and I knew I’d have to do dishes later.
So I told my brother to get a really nice scented soap. And he did!
Dishwashing is a new experience now. We’re through with the nasty “lemon” one
And my mom is more happier because the dishes are done more often, instead of being left for her.
Doesn’t that always feel good…to see our mothers smiling
Keep writing and leaving your mark! *hug*