When she looks in the mirror – she sees fury. The “Green Eyed Monster” is ugly, and it’s eating her alive, destroying her self-worth, and making her feel like she’s lost control. She’s lost control over the actions of her mate, her friends, even her own emotions. It’s time to step back – and take back her life from the control of this beast.
Here’s the step-by-step plan I would give her:
1. Set guidelines from the very beginning
Tell the one you are feeling jealous about (usually the spouse) what bothers you and how he can avoid it. If a women doesn’t want her husband to make small talk with her friends when they call, she needs to articulate this to him in a polite and respectful way.
2. Cut to the Chase
What’s really going on behind all the jealousy? What does it really represent? When did it start? Why does she allow it to consume her?
A sit down with a girl’s best friend (her journal) is definitely in order. She should pour out her thoughts, and try to answer these questions. I wonder what her journal will reveal to her?
3. Reality or Perception?
Is what she believes the truth? When her husband comes home late from work one night- does it truly mean that he was with another woman? What negative picture is her imagination painting? She needs to sit down and really seek out the truth, rather than what she believes is the truth.
4. Love Yourself
I tell this to the women I work with a lot. And I’ll share this exercise with you know. I want you to look into the mirror before you sleep each night and think of at least 5 things that are absolutely amazing about you. It could be that you have great toes, or that you picked up a banana peel on the street. It could be the way your eyes twinkle when you smile. I don’t know – all I know, is that you should be able to come up with 5 different ones each night. In the Quran, Allah SWT says “If you were to count the blessings of Allah, you would not be able to reckon them all (14:34).”
5. Put It Out There
The Queen of Sheba needs to ask her mate for reassurance. What does he think? How much does he really love her and how can he calm her doubts?
Also, a friend’s objective opinion can do wonders. What would an objective third party say about the jealous behaviours?
Hope that helps.
I’m loving the growth of the strong Queen of Sheba. And I pray that Allah SWT accepts from me and you all that is good 
ameen xxxx
This is a very nice article and within it is a prescription for healing. I pray that it helps women around the world find peace, comfort and reassurance within themselves and from those that they love as well.
Masha Allah Heba, these articles are great…
Such an inspiration for me… Keep it coming Heba, Im working on being the best possible Sheba ever 
Salaam
Subhanallah.
I love the point about the journal. Having kept diaries in my teenage years, I discovered them sometime ago when clearing out. And you know, reading them back I didnt know whether to laugh or cry. Its amazing how much you discover about yourself and realise how out of control emotions can be when when what was written is read once you’re calm again!
Jealousy really is a green eyed monster, its one of them evils which emotionally drains you and above all, totally pointless!
ws
Uzma
masha’Allah I really enjoy your articles. Very inspirational! Insha’Allah I have alot to work on with myself and the green eyed monster in alot of things. I have a lot to work on that I have been putting off for along time and others things get in the way and I just half to wait till the time is right. Thank you for sharing your inspirational posts. I pray that we all will benefit from them and that them aid us all in new beginnings.ameen May Allah subhaana wa ta’ala bless you.ameen
wassalaam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Aaqelah
UmmNura
I’m a little confused about the jealousy issue.
Here’s a real life situation i’ve been through. I’d be intersted in hearing your comment.
My husband’s sister in law is someone who is super friendly, girly, dresses very well. Mash’allah. However, all this is displayed for other men as well. :-/ In other words, she is not dressed appropriately at all. hijab with tight clothing and makeup to be specific.
I am super uncomfortable being around her company if my husband is around as well which sometimes happens at my inlaws home. and they do not separate the genders in their home.
Ofcourse I feel very frustrated and jealous inside having her around if this situation arises. I have been under the impression that this jealousy is good.
Is that true or i’m understanding this wrong?
oh yeh, regarding my husband. I have no doubt in him alhamdulillah and he deals with her in a respectable way and does not make small talk or anything. But it still bothers me if a woman is dressed like that around my husband.
Ummabdullah,
I don’t think that what you’re feeling is jealousy – but the discomfort that comes from being in a situation where Islamic ettiquette is not observed and Allah SWT knows best.
Honestly, if it were my husband, I would hope that he would be the one to take a stand to ensure that he (or members of his household) would not be put in a situation that may cause fitnah (or feelings of discomfort).
I hope that helps clarify things